i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
