Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
