sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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