he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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