either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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