Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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