Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
