she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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