genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
