Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
