I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We talked him into tasing himself.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
