Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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