I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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