You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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