I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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