No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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