Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
