Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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