I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
