I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We talked him into tasing himself.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I have post one night stand depression
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