official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
