so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
