her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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