i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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