i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
