oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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