So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
