she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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