season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
