Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
