I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
