dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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