this beer tastes like vomit already
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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