i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
