id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
