70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
