There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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