I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
