take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
