I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
