I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
