I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
