Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
