fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
what day is it and did you see me today?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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