A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
