I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
