Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
