Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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