it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
