Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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