Kareoke will never be a sober sport
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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