I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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