Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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