I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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