Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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