Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
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