fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
