D3 body, D1 cock
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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